10.15.19 // Leaving SF II

But... "San Francisco is such a great city! Why would you leave?"
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You're not wrong. SF is an amazing city and home to many of my close friends who are truly thriving. I plan to come back to visit SF and bask in @karlthefog’s glory. But I've known for a while that it is time to look onward.
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With that being said, I thought I would share some of the thoughts around my leave.. *the words I'm about to share are my opinion/ interactions with the city which are distinctly my own...*
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In my last post I wrote about my adventures and lust for the weekends spent outside of the city limits. I realized about a year into calling SF home that I was living for those weekends. Every weekend I would be crippled with anxiety when I would return on those dreaded Sundays. The thought of coming back to the city, or as I dubbed it "the vortex", would send chills down my spine.
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On Mondays I would transform. I would get sucked back into the pull of misaligned priorities, competitive and defensive conversations, and brain draining ideologies. Stuck in golden handcuffs I'd talk myself out of leaving the city, stuck in a perpetual cycle because of the "opportunity."
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Every week became a cyclical pattern, burn out during the week, leave the city for an awe inspiring weekend spent solo or with friends, debilitating anxiety upon return, getting back into the "swing of things" on Monday, and burning out all over again.
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In came a blessing in disguise...I was cut off commuting to work on my bike and broke my collarbone. A crude wake-up call, I claimed that the accident had finally "opened my eyes." I spoke about present living and living a life for me.
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I lied.
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I felt those things, but couldn't break the cycle.
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Then it happened again... this time I was hit by a car a month later, re-broke that collarbone, and had to have surgery. The universe called me on my bullshit and I couldn't pretend not to see the signs anymore.
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I needed to leave SF. It took me a few months to finally do it, but leaving was nonnegotiable. And while I never could have predicted the way that it all unfolded, I'm grateful for the patience the universe granted me to get it sorted.

Location: San Francisco, California