9.17.20 // this is me

This is me.
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This was me on my way to my next life chapter, Canada.
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Negative COVID test in hand, quarantine ahead, 2 of my best friends beside me, Tioga (my car) loaded with almost all my worldly possessions.
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I thought when I got into quarantine, my next few months would fall into place. Everything would just make sense.
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Much to my dismay, that did not happen.
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But here is the silver lining of what happened in quarantine for me:
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1— I had lots of great therapy sessions. With no excuse to cancel, I talked to my therapist weekly and messaged her often.
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2— I stopped wearing my Apple Watch. It made me neurotic. I’ve been wearing some form of fitness tracking for the last 8 years (let that sink in). For 8 years I equated my worth from calories burned, movement hours, and steps taken. Obsessively controlling my body thinking I was moving towards that ever sought after societally approved body. But really I just triggered the shit out of myself and it only made changing my relationship with food that much worse. So I took the watch off for good on day two.
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3— I’ve actually slowed down. Genuinely. As I talked to my therapist we acknowledged that my natural state is high speed. She told me quarantine would be hard. And she was right. But towards the end of the two weeks, I felt myself enjoying the morning where Taylor and I play cards, drink copious amounts of coffee, or read (in my case- write. I found my middle state pace, and now it’s just a matter of if I can keep that balance.
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So while quarantine didn’t give me the answers for the next few months, it did grant me unexpected lessons I didn’t even realize I needed to learn.