9.15.20 // the comparison game

The comparison game.
.
I wish I was above it.
.
But I’m not.
.
The other day I stumbled across an old account I followed for a while. A beautiful girl, who is both a talented writer, perfect by societal standards, and validated in her life on social media by big-name sponsorship.
.
Immediately I started scrolling, scrolling, reading, and comparing.
.
She is a beautiful writer. In my eyes, she seems deeper than me. She writes in a way that flows, it’s seamless. She’s perfect.
.
She is a beautiful woman. She is tiny skinny, stunning in photos, and her clothes always look curated yet casual. She’s perfect.
.
At one point in my 5 minutes of looking at her profile, I had convinced myself my writing style needed to change so I could be deeper, more seamless. I had convinced myself I should do my hair X way. I had convinced myself that wow, I’ll never be “that” good looking or “that” good of a writer.
.
A toxic unravel.
.
But I caught myself. Something I’ve only gotten better at because I have noticed the toxic creeping in and because I’ve gotten older and more aware of my toxic habits.
.
I reminded myself that I unfollowed her for a reason. I reminded myself that I don’t have to be the type of writer she is, I don’t have to be as skinny as her, I don’t need to make everyone like me.
.
I’m just me. That’s it. I can’t be anyone else and I don’t want to be.
.
But social media makes that hard. So hard, and as much as I preach that you should follow who inspires you, it’s still easy to trip into the toxic.
.
Be careful out there friends.