9.4.21 // explaining myself

I have been struggling to explain what I’m doing with my life since I left my last job in March.
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By default, if I’m asked, I scramble together an answer. In the months right after March, I would say I’m freelancing, I would search for the words to describe my now vacant “purpose”, a purpose that since college has been a job.
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It wasn’t until recently that I’ve found the beauty in the truth of what I’m doing.
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I’m doing nothing and damn it feels so good.
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I am taking time to learn about myself, to help myself out of cycles that have brought me to my knees, I am living presently, I am enjoying the big beautiful world without an expectation of monetizing my skills. It’s a place of privilege. To give up the driver's seat of my life and trust that wherever I’m going, I’m meant to be.
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And after months, it feels good. It feels good not to explain to others why I’m not driving or what I’m doing in the meantime (am I navigating?! Dj-ing?! Nope- just staring out the window). It feels good to know I’m safe and whatever is to come will be one hell of an adventure.
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After all… I’m a sucker for a good road trip even if I’m not in control.