10.6.21 // My First Group Trail Run

I went to my first trail running group run this morning...!
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If you've been here for a moment, you know I have DEEP insecurity when it comes to trail running and considering myself a "trail runner." Having a partner who is naturally gifted at running (last month went from COVID couch to an 82-kilometer race and placed 5th), I constantly want to compare myself to him or the insanely talented athletes on social media or in the mountain towns I've been calling home.
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When I signed up for this group run last night, I was already trying to find excuses not to go. "Oh, it's supposed to snow!" "The rain might be gnarly..." "I mean, if I sleep past my alarm then I just won't go."
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Then this morning I was completely psyching myself out. Taylor and I walked up to the meeting point and I was so intimidated. Everyone looked so intense and legit and my fears were running rampant...
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But within minutes, there were introductions, smiles, lots of English (I was worried about my limited French), and then we were off!
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I truly couldn't stop smiling. Don't get me wrong, the uphill running was something I was not used to, and typically I just hike up big hills, but even that, as a group, felt invigorating.
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I am extremely hard on myself, telling myself that if I can't run uphill - I'm not a trail runner. If I'm not always running - I'm not a trail runner. If I can't casually keep a conversation while maneuvering technical rock terrain in the rain- I'm not a trail runner. The list goes on and on for ways I'm "not" a trail runner. But these are all stories. These are all stories the perfectionist side of my brain tells me.
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But the truth is, I am a trail runner. I'm not at the front of the pack, but I'm in the pack and that is an amazing feeling.
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I'm learning about myself in the process. Running might never be "easy" like it is for Taylor (begrudgingly admitting this), but comparing myself to him is only torturing myself.
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I'm not out to set world records but to share smiles, suffering, and croissants with other humans who find solace on the trails.
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Thanks to @isagadala for telling me about it, @chloelanthier for coaching us, and @patagoniachamonix for hosting!