4.22.20 // Human Bodies are Fragile.

Human bodies are fragile.
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Both physically and mentally fragile.
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I’m triggered.
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I’m triggered as fuck by “quarantine 15” (a guilt trip around gaining weight while at home) and the assumptions that people should be coming out of coronavirus in the best shape of their lives.
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My relationship with food is challenging.
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It’s something I’ve dealt with since college. Going to see the school psychiatrist, my relationship with food was just lumped in with “anxiety.” A prescription was written and life moved on, but with a take-as-needed pill for “high” anxiety moments. What no one addressed was what happens when you feel that around every meal?
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Fast forward through the next several years.... years riddled with a consistent ebb and flow of my confidence and loving and hating my body.
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In recent months, I was taking baby steps towards intuitive eating, present living, and trying to enjoy exercise versus NEEDING to exercise to EARN food. But for those of you who struggle to have a healthy food relationship, it is a battle every damn day.
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Enter quarantine... an already triggering experience which is riddled with a push for productivity and a pull towards social media scrolling. Social media becoming a heightened version of itself in terms of comparison, self-judgment, and highlighting insecurities.
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I share my experience not to complain or take on social media, but to offer some level of solace and understanding to anyone else who outwardly or inwardly battles with a healthy food relationship. You’re not alone and you’re allowed to feel triggered as fuck.
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And for one more point of clarification, my goal with continuing to share my feelings and thoughts on social media is not to trigger your sympathy. It’s to share. To share in hopes of continuing to shake social media and slowly change this place into a vulnerable place for true community.
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Follow those who inspire and whose community you want to be a part of. Unfollow those who trigger you. And if I trigger you, I’m sorry. And I understand if you need to unfollow me or if this isn’t what you need or want in your social media journey.