7.27.21 // the great unknown

I'm currently in a chapter of my life that feels like the great unknown.
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Some days I'm in a chapter that feels good, but the words on the page feel unfamiliar, almost foreign to me. Some days the book I'm holding feels rough and hard on my loving hands. Sometimes I spend entire days and weeks rereading the same page, the same paragraph, unable to move forward exhausted by the need to keep intaking information, to keep growing.
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When I was younger and I got stuck on a chapter that felt or read wrong, I'd shut the book, place it back on the shelf, let the dust settle, and never pick it back up again.
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But it wouldn't be long before I found a new book. Maybe I would gravitate towards one with a beautifully designed cover even though the words weren't right, or one that didn't fit the genres I liked, but it didn't matter, with a great zest I'd dig in only for the cycle to repeat itself over and over and over again.
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Whenever I would hit a chapter that felt painful and confusing, I would stop reading. I'd put down the book and demand a new start.
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In this chapter of the great unknown, all of the usual "I should bail" signs are there. Feeling exhausted, feeling unmotivated, feeling lost as to how to move forward, feeling frustrated by the growth required to slog through the chapter.
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But there is something about this chapter that I know will be different. And while I've loved all the past books that have made up my life, there feels like there is something more I need to learn in this book and I think it starts with getting comfortable reading and re-reading this chapter of great unknown.