5.31.21 // travel guilt

As a traveler, I have immense guilt when I go to different countries.
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​Do you?
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The guilt was something that I thought only existed in my own world until I talked to one of my best friends Nick Kleiner about it. Nick has spent several seasons abroad in Europe, Southeast Asia, and Central America. He has pushed his body and mind for years, and when I described my guilt he told me he knew the feeling well even after traveling for years.
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I told Nick that I felt guilt​ ​for so many reasons since being in Italy. One reason being that I couldn't speak the local language. Even when I was brushing up on Italian, the words came out so wrong and when merchants or locals couldn't understand me or I couldn't understand them I felt overwhelmed by the feeling of failing at being in their country.
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Then most recently when I went to Zanzibar ​& mainland Tanzania, I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for not having the right clothes. Every time I left the hotel I would desperately look for judgmental looks. ​Women would have their knees and shoulders covered, I did the best with what clothes I had with me, but I felt shameful and worried I would offend someone.
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As I started to think about my guilt further two ​conclusions came up. ​1-In large part, this guilt comes from my people-pleasing problem which has kept me in a guilt/shame cycle while traveling.
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Was I trying my damndest to keep myself appropriate? Yes! Am I just looking for external validation of my existence in another country by scanning other people's faces for judgment? Probably...
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​2- as an American traveler I'm wary about the terrible stereotypes that come with being an American traveler and my desperate desire not to be seen as one.
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​But my realizations come back to one startling point: the guilt/shame is because of my own insecurities, my own deep desire to be "seen" in some way versus another. Does that make the struggle any less real? Absolutely not, but it certainly encourages me to keep pushing myself to see the truth of the situation and to keep being comfortable in the uncomfortable...
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​So if you answered yes to the question at the beginning, you're not alone in needing to untangle the travel guilt!