10.14.20 // triggers

Triggers.
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Sometimes you don't even realize you have them until you're in a reaction from one.
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This happened to me the other day.
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I've always been sensitive when people talk about their own bodies in negative ways. That language would pull me like a vortex into believing that I should be thinking in a way of minimizing bodies, in a way of societal beauty standards, in a way that obsessing and comparing was seen as normal and healthy.
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It was a couple of years ago when I had to have my first conversation to create boundaries about this with people I knew and loved. The boundary is still crossed occasionally, but never without acknowledgment and conversation.
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After all, habits are hard to break.
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However, the other day I realized that my trigger wasn't limited to that one vertical of "negative self-talk around your owned body," but it goes all the way up to the top...
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I am triggered by all body conversations when it comes to weight and "beauty".
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It didn't hit me until I heard a conversation with that same triggering language in a different context. Almost instantly I was insanely disgruntled, shifting around in my seat, my cheeks heating up. At first, I couldn't pinpoint why then it all made sense.
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My body was having a physical reaction to the usual mental trigger, but there was no boundary and no conversation. And what's worse was I didn't speak up to ​create ​one either.
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And while it seems like only opportunities missed, that exchange opened my eyes to see how much my body speaks up for my mind. I know I should have used my words to protect myself from this happening in the future, but I was blown away by how triggers are changing as I'm getting more aware and deeper in knowing myself.
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So, next time you feel pains of anguish or fear or frustration, maybe it's your body trying to speak up for the deep, dark places of your mind.