2.16.22 // 110%

110%.
.
Give 110%. I feel like we've had this phrase drilled into our minds since we were young (at least in North America).
.
School? Sports? 110%! Then we move into adulthood where our jobs, friends, family, and hobbies all expect us to "give it your all." An unspoken expectation that "your all" looks like a constant and enthusiastic effort.
.
But what if we stopped giving 110% all the time?
.
What if instead of 110% we gave a great 80% towards that enthusiastic progress forward, and saved 20% of our effort for the unexpected- the accidental last-minute shift in a work project, an opportunity to do one of our favorite hobbies or just 20% for our own mental sanity.
.
I can't help but feel a little lighter at the thought of 80%.
.
Over the last year, I've learned the beauty of physically slowing down, taking fewer work commitments, and saying no to draining social activities. Externally, I've been able to show up with 80% and it has felt great.
.
BUT, the overachiever I've learned to calm in my external world is NOT the same as my mental world. My brain is working overtime... all the time?
.
It wasn't until a few weekends ago that a deep sadness crept in and I felt like I couldn't do the mental running anymore. I felt like radical self-compassion was miles away and the running list of things I want to improve on (my reactivity, self-judgment, my need for control in situations that challenge me, etc.) was truly endless.
.
I let myself get so worn down trying to overachieve in my own mental self-improvement that I hit an almost depressive state. It's tricky because that world can't be seen by anyone else as it slowly wears you down- even talking about it felt like ANOTHER thing I needed to work on.
.
The thing that saves me, radical self-compassion, felt like yet another thing I was failing at.
.
80%. That's my goal for my mental self-improvement. That 20% of grace lets me show up infinitely better in the 80% than I ever could when I was pushing 110%.
.
Not only that, but when I'm focused on the 80% it is no longer a grind to catch and change habits, I can make mistakes and let myself continue to be the imperfectly perfect human I am.
.
Here's to giving it 80%!