2.18.22 // My Big Energy

This is me.
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I have big energy and while I normally love it, it can be both a blessing and a curse.
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I say "big" instead of "a lot" because when I think of the energy bursting through my veins, it feels like it could encompass not just me, but the people around me. It isn't just "a lot" of something, instead, it is something of significance, it is powerful, and sometimes it is heavy.
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Last week I was asked, "Are you always smiling or is that your IG persona?"
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That is in fact, me.
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The blessing is that my energy can create a warm environment for others, can be a fire starter for activities, and truly I never run out of conversations I'd love to have with you.
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The curse is that the same big energy can be misinterpreted as "fake" or "trying too hard," when I am just that excited!
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Take the other day:
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I had been wanting to take my hat into a store in Vancouver to be steamed. The store is an old-school charmer with hardwood floors and a wide-open space.
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The hats there are arranged by colors and styles- simple fedoras to Kentucky Derby style hats. I was IN LOVE.
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Shortly after entering, a very stylish woman rounded the corner wearing the most beautiful sage green beret. I practically yelled at her in excitement, "WOW I LOVE THE WAY YOU STYLED YOUR BERET! I'D LOVE TO LEARN HOW TO DO THAT!" The woman was kind and took my energy in stride with a quick tutorial, but she gently attempted to move me towards getting my hat checked in and excused herself quickly after.
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The large space of the hat store felt too small for me and when I left I asked Taylor if I was accidentally too intense...
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That happens a lot.
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Sometimes I feel like a puppy with too much excitement, accidentally knocking someone over with my energy. But, while my full energy might make some people uncomfortable, it's not a reflection on my being.
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AND, when I find people who see my energy and want to get closer to the warmth- that makes every uncomfortable "knock over" worth it. It's like an explosion and it makes me feel whole!
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So yes, I am truly this annoyingly smiley in real life!
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It should also be known, I have sad days and heavy feelings too, but they certainly aren't my default days.