6.21.21 // approval

Approval.
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I heard something the other day that I haven't been able to let go of... "if you're doing anything for approval then you are trapped in the worst prison, your own mind."
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I haven't been able to let that one go because it struck me so deep.
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So much of my life, my existence, is formed and created out of my basic need of approval from others, from strangers, friends, or family.
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I yearn to please others in order to find love in the form of "approval." But the yearning I have also holds​​ me captive and keeps me desperately waiting for someone else to give me a smile, send me a text, or say they care about me.
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I throw myself behind steel bars and tell myself I'm not worthy to be free in the world if I don't get the looks, words, or actions of others approving of me.
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A prison of my own mind, of my own choosing. A prison of my past, playing a loop of my failures, my imperfections, my traumas, reiterating that even if I got the approval I would still be here, trapped.
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And I have been and will be trapped until I stop needing to find validation from anyone other than myself. It's a tight coil to unwind, the societal pressures that so deeply impact young minds much like my own, telling us to look, act, and live a certain way. It is blinding to see the pressure for what it is and chose to look the other way.
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And while the metal bars on the prison of my mind close with the need for approval, they all but disappear if I let the need for approval go.
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So why not free ourselves? Because it is hard? You're damn right it is, but I refuse to rot in this prison anymore. I know there will be days where I fail and end up back here, but these bars no longer hold me.
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If you need me, I'll be frolicking in my own mind free.