6.22.21 // this is me

This is me.
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This is me looking carefree but knowing deep down I'm anything but..
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And I need you to know that.
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I need you to know that I'm not feeling light, happy-go-lucky, and I haven't felt that way since before the last year where trauma and awakening have come to the surface. Maybe you feel the same way?
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Maybe you wake up in the morning with a pit in your stomach, holding your breath all night. Maybe you too find yourself feeling heavy with exhaustion from lack of familiarity, frustration from neglecting your own basic needs, or frozen in place even if you are allowed to go back outside.
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You're not alone.
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This photo captures a completely different Liz in her body than what is going on in her mind and it is unfair not to tell you otherwise and not to give you the full version of who that girl is in the photo.
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She is stunning, she is effortless, she is dancing with her beloved breeze in a beautiful place, but she is also anxious, worried, and struggling.
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She has been impacted by the choices made for her in her childhood, the decisions life has made for her, and the decisions she made for herself. And she is deeply feeling those choices for the first time in her life...
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But, she is remembering:
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We are not our struggles, we are not our perfect photos. We have seasons of life and some seasons are winters where old parts of us shed to make room for new growth. The winter is cold, foreign, and scary, the pit in our stomachs reminds us of that.
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But, seasons are temporary. And we don't typically share about our winters because we don’t want to be vulnerable or we are simply at a loss of words on how to move forward. I want to share.
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I want to share the whole me because I can't pretend to be anything I'm not.
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I've found solace for years in writing my true self here, but for the first time, I'm being challenged to share the deeper and darker Liz. The real Liz in a winter of her life.
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My darker words and themes have often solicited concern or pity. But please don't take my sharing as a ploy for those things.
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I share to create the space for you to share your true self too. To bring humanity to the surface of a world filtered into perfection.