4.7.21 // what risk are you too scared to take?

What risk are you too scared to take?
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Usually, I ask these types of questions rhetorically. But today, I'm asking you candidly. What risks are you too scared of right now?
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I'll go first.

I'm scared of letting go of my old definitions of success. I'm scared of what other people will think of me and my choices. I'm scared that I won't follow my purpose and I'll end up in a perpetual state of disappointing myself.
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Why am I scared of these things?
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I am scared of letting go of my old definitions of success because that means I will have to figure out what success truly means to me away from societal standards. I'll have to unwind my worth from dollar signs, unwind my thoughts of power from job titles, and unwind my ties with the judgment of others based on that old version of "success."
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I am scared of what other people will think of me and my choices because a part of me is a perfectionist. I'm learning to understand her more, but that side of me desperately wants to be liked, loved, and treasured even at the expense of herself. In letting go of what others think of me, I'll have to really come to facing dislike of others and in some cases, face conflict as it comes up, which is something I'm great at avoiding at all cost.
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I am scared that I won't follow my purpose and I'll end up in a perpetual state of disappointing myself because I can't continue to learn the same lessons and relapse into old behaviors. This fear is also laced with the fear of laziness. It's easy to fall back into old habits, it's hard work to keep myself honest with myself. So my fear is that I'll get tired and quit and I want to thrive, not just survive.
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So, what are you afraid of?