5.12.22 // I Had Let You Go

I think about you.
.
Do you think about me too?
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I thought I had let you go. I thought I had let go of the version of you I had so perfectly preserved in my mind.
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I thought the test of time had faded the vision of your face, the color of your eyes, the soft lines of your skin.
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I thought my memories of you which used to dance in my daydreams had become resigned to only my sleeping, subconscious yearning.
.
I thought I had learned to look forward to sleeping nights but to let you go in waking days.
.
I thought.
.
But then there you were.
.
Like no time had passed, like no days of sunshine have kissed your face or like no evenings laughing with friends have deepened those soft lines around your eyes.
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My memory mixed with reality.
.
My dreams mixed with actuality.
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I can feel the sleeping dreams demanding to be let back into my daydreams, I can feel the memories begging for more to be made, and I can feel my eyes begging to see your face to commit more details to recollection.
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But the pain of losing you again, of your inevitable fade, weighs heavy on my mind. Is it worth it? But what is life if not risk, is not birth and death, growth and change, complete bliss and utter sadness.