11.23.20 // I miss you

I miss you.
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I miss being able to look in your eyes.
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Now we avoid eye contact at all costs and when our eyes finally meet, we are both filled with fear and assumptions of the worst.
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I don't want to assume the worst, but the world has told me for almost ten months to be guarded, untrusting, and skeptical even when you seem to be following the rules.
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I miss seeing your smile.
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Now we rarely smile even if our eyes can tell the story that our mouths can't show, we don't let our eyes light or our lips turn up.
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I miss our awkward banter.
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Now our stranger exchanges are strained, no giggles or shared songs sung in bars. When we walk towards each other there is no dance of who should walk which way, because the distance between us is already so far.
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I miss the small things I took for granted.
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Now faint memories and ghosts of days past, those small human actions made me feel alive, small flames of connection. Bursts of light as two stars meet even for a fleeting moment before we pass each other in the night. Now cursed to the darkness of my own universe​.
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​I miss you.
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I miss all of you.