1.25.21 // i'm in Italy

I'm in Italy.
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And I have so many mixed feelings.
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I've written this post 3 or 4 times now and if I'm honest, most of them have been laced with negativity, highlighting my anxiety, featuring my fears, and filled with my unpacked woes. Each time I tried to write, my thoughts came out tainted. I wanted to be vulnerable, but as I re-read each word, I knew these gloom-ridden words wasn't something I wanted to share with the world. I share struggles often on here, but these words didn't bring truth or light or really even vulnerability, they only shared pessimism. So I'm not going to share them.
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Instead, I'm going to re-write those captions with a twist.
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A twist of gratitude...
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I'm in Italy and I'm damn grateful.
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I'm grateful to be spending time with my partner who started an incredible new job with the United Nations World Food Programme based here in Rome.
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I'm grateful to be welcomed by the Italian government when the rest of the United States is forbidden to be here.
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I'm grateful to share slow moments with my partner before we're about to move into a long-distance relationship. We spent over 330 days with each other last year and we're about to be on other sides of the globe for large chunks of time.
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I'm grateful to spend the mornings in a city dripping with history and love.
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I'm grateful to the Italian people for their patience with my almost non-existent vocabulary for the Italian language.
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I'm grateful that I get to spend time in the place that my not so distant ancestors once lived. Letting my thoughts weave full of my grandmother, Eleanor, who spent her childhood growing up in Sicily and her family before that.
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I'm grateful that I have the privilege both physically and financially to travel.
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I'm grateful that I was able to travel on a COVID safe flight. That I have access to testing and a safe, warm home in my two basecamps of Seattle and Rome.
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I'm grateful that I am finally starting to catch my thoughts when they are heading towards an anxious spiral. It's not perfect, but it's a start.
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I'm grateful, I am just so grateful.