3.6.23 // Laughter

When I laugh really hard, the sound stops coming out.
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One minute there is giggling and the next, I'll go quiet. Tears will slowly form in the corner of my eyes and my shoulders will shake and eventually, the shake will work its way down to my belly. Often I'll lean forward or back because the laughter can feel all-encompassing and standing up straight is just too much.
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Sometimes the laughter will squeak out of the silence and I'll sound like I'm 100 years old and wheezing for breath or a dog toy that has seen one too many playtimes with Scout.
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It's a full-body expression and it is one of my favorite human experiences.
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Unfortunately, it's a human experience I take for granted and tend to over-simplify. When I've gone a while without laughing, my body and soul can feel it, and while it seems like a simple act, there are a lot more layers to it...
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By its basic nature, deep laughter is such a vulnerable expression, it is letting yourself feel humor, expressing joy, and disowning self-judgment. It encourages you to be deeply present, practice self-compassion, and engage with your community (although I can still get some serious belly laughs when I'm alone).
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Deep laughter also isn't usually aligned with what is seen as societally "sexy" or attractive. Perhaps that is left over from a time when society expected the "best" out of its patrons and that meant being stoic and unshaken. But to me, there is nothing sexier, nothing more human, nothing more present than a deep chuckle, a subtle giggle, a boisterous guffaw, a loud howl, or if you're like me a completely silent full-body shake.