4.17.23 // The Taboo of Mental Injuries.
The Taboo of Mental Injuries.
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Our bodies are fragile and as such, as we go through life we endure physical injuries. It's expected, understood, and normalized that our bodies will experience injury.
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At the beginning of 2022, I had terrible knee problems. I went from running almost every day in the Alps, feeling so powerful and strong, to hobbling down the cobblestone streets of Sayulita in pain.
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I voiced my symptoms to my community. In doing so, I received nods of understanding and kind ears that listened to me vent while offering suggestions (as per my request) for physical therapists and best practices.
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The physical injuries I've endured have felt normal, accepted, and expected.
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But, what about mental injuries?
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At the end of 2022 and the start of 2023, my heart and brain were broken. I went from running my first ultra in September to not being able to run a step in mid-January without feeling as though my brain was screaming in pain, eventually leading to real physical pain like my lungs wrenching in desperate attempts for air and my tears burning down my cheeks. I was unwell in a much more serious way than my knee injury.
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I hid my voice, my symptoms, and in large part, my emotions from my community. The times when I did share my anger, my hurt, or my raging pain, I received an influx of cruel comments and yelling lectures on "how dare I share so openly" or "how is this going to reflect on you" or simply, "You are oversharing." So I shut up and I took my dangerous injury to a new therapist, two trusted friends, and my mom. I saw my brain injury impact my body, my ability to run dissipating and getting compliments on how I was "looking fit" because I wasn't eating enough.
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I was (and probably still am) in many ways, injured. The mental injuries I've endured feel abnormal, forbidden, and shunned even though they are all too common. My mental injury was treated like it was a choice, me choosing to be in pain, but no one said that when I hurt my knee...
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There is a stark difference between the two injuries because of the way we as a society treat them. So tell me, why is it ok to endure injuries to our bodies and taboo to endure them to our minds?