5.3.24 // My 1%

My reality.
.
Instagram often catches me at my 1%.
.
Instagram catches me with smiles, adventure, and "effortless" trail running.
.
But there is so much more to me than that 1%.
.
My 99% is not put together. My 99% is... messy and...
.
It is not smiles. It is spilling a lot of tears (which I've shared some on here, but I've also gotten cruel comments when I have). It is sleeping- a lot-. It is eating the same things every day, every week. It is the same runs on the same routes. It is bad days. It is the anxiety and doubts that sometimes cloud my mind. It is staying in PJs well into the afternoon because I was sucked into work or couldn't muster the enthusiasm to pull myself together. It is worthiness wounds. It is a deep heartache for the state of the world. It is self-critism. It is self-pressure to do more, be more, and capitalize on every rare sunny day Seattle sees. It is constantly worrying if I'm too much or asking for too much from the people around me.
.
While my 1% IS me, and sometimes I wish it were 100% of me (although I imagine that would be very boring), the 99% of what isn't shared as readily here makes me a whole person outside of these beautiful boxes on social media.