7.20.20 // This is me

This is me.
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I’m not perfect.
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If anything I have an existential crisis on an almost weekly basis. Pondering purpose, the “good,” and what a life well-lived looks like. I’m thinking about this constantly.
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Some days it all makes sense and some days every single thing I thought I knew, I understood, or held as a constant falls apart leaving me more than confused, more than lost, more than uncomfortable.
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But, here is the thing, I am only human.
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I have to remind myself regularly that this is what it means to be human… to question, to ponder, to feel. 
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But with that reminder, I’ve learned (as of recent, which is a bit embarrassing) that it is my job to make the purpose in my life.
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Now, I’m not saying that I want to fill my life with a surface level solution of “purpose,” but I want to lean into the characteristics that spin me out of control.
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For example, my existential crisis and questionings are some of my life purposes which are to be fiercely curious, constantly wondering, and intensely feeling. 
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They aren’t easy purposes, but even giving myself the explanation, space, and perspective for those sometimes scary thoughts are incredible grounding.
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There is no point in being your own enemy or expecting “purpose” to magically appear. We can take control of our moments, we can celebrate our purpose, we can change our narratives.