5.20.22 // See Myself Changing

I can see myself changing.
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I can see myself changing week over week.
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I  can see how each event, experience, or interaction in any given week expands my understanding of self in relation to those moments
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My core is still me, but I can now see internal change occurring weekly and sometimes even daily. The cycle of birth and death of various versions of Liz feels more compressed than it ever has been before.
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On most days, I love it, seeing the change. Being open to it feels freeing, feels like a closer connection to my intuition and myself. But some days it scares the hell out of me because I'm used to thinking in a binary way - this or that, I can't be this way and then change into that- and it means relinquishing the desperate need for control.
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Because even if it's in my internal world... change isn't something I can control.  It isn't something I can grasp tightly. Eventually, I start to suffocate if I squeeze (control) myself too tightly, and the only way to let myself breathe is to let change come.
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It's as natural as breathing, change.
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But it's eerie to see it happening so regularly and sometimes even in real-time.
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Usually, I'd need years to reflect and time between different versions of myself to see and understand the change. But, I think the slowing down of being has led to the speeding up and acceptance of changing.