12.22.22 // This is 32
This is 32.
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Today is my 32nd birthday and if you asked me 3, 5, 10, or 20 years ago... where I thought I would be. This would not be it.
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I never would have guessed that I would spend the last few years living in another country (one on a different continent) for someone I deeply cared about, that I would be working for myself, and that everything in my life was about to be uprooted...
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Instead, my predictions for 32 were vastly different.
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Maybe you're thinking, 32 is a weird year to have predictions.YES and my mom had me at 32 so I always held that number with awe.
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My predictions looked something more like this:
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That I would be a curious, loving human. That I would be an explorer. That I would own a home that feels like me - colorful, full of life, laughter, and dinner parties that are overly curated and often costumed. That I would be madly in love with a partner who actively participates in life with me, is in love with my imperfectly perfect person, and perhaps someone called my husband. That I would be potentially welcoming in a new family member if the time felt right and the relationship felt ready. That I would be an active community member and trusted friend who people could turn to on sunny days and in dark moments.
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Some of these predictions came true, and some couldn't be further from the reality I'm ushering in on this day.
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However, to think I had control over some of these factors is just wild. Life is anything but predictable.
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I guess that's the beauty of time though, while I assigned meaning to a number with hopes of predictions coming true, the coming and passing of that number didn't change my daydreams from years ago. If anything, the number catapulted me into realignment with the goals I had long since lost touch with and were never expressed.
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And maybe I wasn't ready to express them because they felt too concrete in a life full of options (privilege), choosing who you want to be in this world (instead of letting others decide for you), is everything a younger me, would have been scared of.
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But I'm not scared anymore.
