5.04.21 // my mind

I don’t wish for any days to be over anymore.
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I don’t live in my mind consumed by a distant future.
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I don’t find myself in daydreams of promises, promises of vacations, promises of travel, promises of hobbies I’ll try when I have “more time.”
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I’ve started to notice the passing of time in stark contrast to how I would wish time away.
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I see time in moments, slipping through my fingers, endlessly moving forward no matter how much I now wish I could slow it down.
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Taking the monotony for granted, I’d sneer at another activity I didn’t want to do. Not realizing that in those activities I still was receiving something beautiful, moments that were mine and I would never get back.
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There are still days where I wish hard moments would pass because I’m human, but because I’m human and my time here is so short and finite, I also want to find beauty in that time of pain, beauty in moments slipping between our fingers in a never-ending game to try and pause time.
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And oddly as humans, we see time as a weakness, the thing that can be taken away from us too easily, that we should try and conquer. Through beauty serums and injections we try to make the wrinkles of time disappear. But in reality, the experience of time makes us strong. Not just strong, but wise.
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As a great friend once said, “youth is wasted on the young.” And I couldn’t agree more. Perhaps my face isn’t young but my spirit with each passing moment is laced with youthful existence.
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But to slow down time isn’t impossible, it can be as simple as enjoying watching the tiniest spider cross your path or the clouds roll by. We have a choice - let time roll over us or choose to walk with her hand in hand.