4.24.23 // My Hair

My Hair.
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I started writing this story years ago but the words always felt wrong. I let my story fade and collect dust in my drafts folder. But it's time the truth was dusted off and shared.
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My hair has always been a huge source of pride for me. In high school, blond-dusted brown curls would effortlessly arrange themselves before school. My hair was my favorite feature.
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Then came college. Sitting at my dorm room desk I noticed an itchy spot on my head. I reached between the thicket of curls and realized that the itchy spot was also sticky. That spot would remain a mystery for the next 10 years of my life... a hushed secret about an undiagnosed problem.
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Scarring alopecia: "an inflammatory condition that destroys hair follicles, causing scarring and permanent hair loss." This was the diagnosis that finally came, years later. But first, I went through the medical system gauntlet...
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In college, my doctor thought I had come into contact with rats. Rounds of antibiotics later, no change to my scalp.
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In my early 20s, the red spots were brutally itchy, scaly, and sometimes sticky. But I was young and broke so medical help was on the back burner.
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In my late 20s, my two different dermatologists in San Francisco had no diagnosis but gave me rounds of 10-15 steroid shots in my scalp.
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In my early 30s, my dermatologist in Tennessee ordered a biopsy and tried to put me indefinitely on Hydroxychloroquine (a malaria drug).
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My dermatologist in Italy shrugged, saying there was nothing I could do about this "disease".
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I was absolutely defeated. But then came unexpected respite.
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It was accidental but in the process of making lifestyle shifts like reducing stress, spending time in nature, changing my diet, and attempting to live a more joyful life, the scales and stickiness faded.
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The alopecia spots were no longer inflamed. The spots were left bare and can still be seen when I part my hair certain ways, but it was... healed?
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For years I kept this story quiet. My biggest sense of pride transformed into a saga of confusion, disappointment, and finally, relief. I still have some sensitivity around my hair, but it feels good to finally shake it free of its truth.