3.29.21 // not a world traveler

"Not being a 'world traveler' is ok. It's ok to not want to live abroad. I think I wanted so much to be a live-abroad human. But maybe that isn't me."
.
I wrote that in my journal back in late 2019 [photo 2].
.
"I'm not a world traveler" is a story I've been telling myself for years...
.
At the core, these words are a false narrative. They are a box I default to so I can protect myself from change, the unfamiliar, and in some cases, heartbreak.
.
This type of thinking is also a cognitive distortion. The distortion is black and white thinking: I'm either a world traveler or I'm not. I'm either super comfortable jet-setting and being abroad or I'm not. To me, this black and white thinking helped me justify why I didn't fit in the category of a world traveler. It gave me justification to classify myself.
.
And yet, here I am living in Rome. You'd think I would drop the old narrative, but it still lingers, haunting the moments of discomfort or misunderstanding as I try to understand the new world around me. A poisonous whisper in my ear, treading on the distortions of my past.
.
But, the world isn't black and white, it has a beautiful array of colors if only I'd let myself see them.
.
So I'm going to re-color the world around me and let go of these old stories I've told myself.
.
I am a world traveler, but I can get deeply uncomfortable with languages other than English. I am a world traveler, but I can want to be at the airport an unnatural amount of hours early because of anxiety around missed flights. I am a world traveler, but new places can bring me both intense excitement and intense exhaustion.
.
Here's to the continuous journey to live across the color spectrum and leave my old black and white ways behind.