8.19.21 // pen pal perspective

I have an Instagram pen pal.
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Her name is Paula (@paula_winterringer).
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She emailed me on my website months ago and since then, we've sent each other novel-length notes. It isn't every day or even every week that I see Paula's name pop up, but when I do I know that there is a bit of heart, soul, and truth sitting in my inbox.
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We don't know each other in real life, but if the correspondences were intercepted, the depth and vulnerability exchanged between two perfect strangers would be baffling to most.
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I want to share a few words Paula sent in her last email to me that deeply moved me...
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"You're also extremely brave for facing much of the world on your own; hiking and adventuring on your own- that takes soul, guts, and a little bit of the best kind of crazy which I can see in your eyes in your pictures! It's so clear to see the wild love you have for adventure and feeling the sun and the wind on your face. Despite moments of loneliness, I know you believe that you'll acquire those moments of pure bliss- that calming, warm sensation that floods over someone when they truly believe, even for a moment, that no matter what, everything will be okay."
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I've NEVER felt sure of myself. I know I can create the illusion of "I'm doing great" on social media, but Paula's words made me realize, maybe it isn't an illusion anymore.
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Maybe, I exude "everything will be ok" and I actually believe it will be ok after years of not believing it.
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Maybe, after years of pretending to be brave, adventurous, or like I have any idea where life is taking me, I might actually be those things: brave, adventurous, and ok with whatever comes next.
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I don't think that means I'm infallibly any of these things, I have fearful days, days where adventuring is too much, and days where I'm completely lost on the future, but Paula's words made me realize I don't have to be any of these things all the time. BUT pretending like I'm not brave, adventurous, and content in the present is lying to myself. In reality, being my worst enemy has a big impact on who I am and how I show up.
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And while Paula is a stranger (turned friend), she is perspective. A powerful perspective, when I can't see.