1.18.21 // running

Running.
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I've never liked running.
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I've wanted to. I've yearned over it the way a child lusts over something forbidden.
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But running isn't forbidden, it's encouraged.
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Why do I yearn to like it? Why do I find myself reading books about it? Why do I follow accounts of Ultramarathoners?
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Because, to me, running is in many ways a means to experience the full spectrum of human emotions.
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While most of the time, before a run, I'm overcome by anxiety (Will I be able to run? Will I be able to run fast? Will my body support me? Will my mind??), the moment I take a deep breath and begin any emotion can occur. Running is a microcosm of the emotions I'm feeling in life.
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Running pushes me towards growth - my second form of therapy in many ways. I've laughed, I've cried, I've been very angry, I've smiled, I've made friends, I've eaten great snacks, I've eaten terrible sandwiches (looking at you Taylor), but I've always come out stronger.
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Even on my worst run in recent history, which was a run in a Vancouver downpour where I was riddled with anger for being convinced to slog through the rain, I look back with appreciation at my ability to take on a challenge. Will I be running in any downpours anytime soon? No. But I will remember that I learned I don't thrive when I'm soaked to my core.
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Liking running will most likely always be a battle for me, but it is one I'm not willing to give up on.