5.26.22 // Scared of the Dark

I wish I could say I'm not scared of the dark.
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But I am.
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Not the darkness outside, but the darkness inside.
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The dark hurt shadows which lurk with our pain and sadness as their fuel. The dark nights of our soul where the pain moves slowly from the inner world to the external world in the form of angst, tears, or resentment.
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I've been told to be scared of the dark, shown that those hurt shadows are villains, that they should be treated as such, kept in the darkest corners, and when the pain moves from inside to out, it should be done as quickly as possible and alone...
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But I'm learning to love the dark, to meet the dark shadows to uncover the villains who are actually saviors desperately attempting to keep me safe in the dark moments or when there is a full eclipse of darkness over my light.
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But, just because I'm learning to love the dark, I'm no less scared of the dark. Fear and love can exist at the same time. My capacity for feeling is infinite in that way.
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I can be scared and curious. I can be fearful and share with others my darkness if they have the space for it. I can sit in the darkness and still completely feel my light.